


Growing Up

by shadowcatfan (pressdbtwnpages)



Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-08-18
Updated: 2002-08-18
Packaged: 2017-10-04 10:45:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pressdbtwnpages/pseuds/shadowcatfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes it's more than a Peter Pan complex, sometimes growing up really is absolutely terrifying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Growing Up

**Author's Note:**

> Shades of [Crying in the Dark](http://archiveofourown.org/works/24778), I know. It started as therapy, and evolved into this.

"They're growing up so fast," Jean Grey Summers whispered to her husband as they stood in the doorway of one of the student dorms.

Kitty Pryde shut her eyes closed tight against the bright light of the open door,against Jean's voice, against growing up, and against the tears threatening to spill from eyes.

She used to believe, all the lies, all the dreams. Dreams, lies, when had they started becoming interchangeable? It was funny how no one noticed the monumental change, no one had seen it in her face, in her words. Somehow no one noticed when her giggles had turned into bitter, self-deprecating chuckles.

How had she lost so much without realizing it? How had everything slipped just out of her grasp?

Kitty rolled onto her back and stared at the glow-in-the dark stars, blurred slightly by unshed tears. The stars were fake, plastic lies, like so much else in her life.

She wished there was a reason, an event she could point to as the reason for this spiral downward. It wasn't the start of her senior year, or the prospect of joining the X-Men, though those were certainly factors. It wasn't the stupid crush on Bobby, or the Summers' marriage. It wasn't Betsey's surprise pregnancy and miscarriage. Or maybe it was. Maybe it was dealing, coping with all of those things that had destroyed innocence, and hope.

She missed hope. She missed whatever it was that kept the cold goose bumps from sweeping down her arms. She missed the warm, phosphate-smelling hope that occasionally oppressed her, but was never frightening.

Kitty pulled up the ratty patchwork comforter around her shoulders, and rolled to her other side and faced the wall. Silent, foreboding, strong, functional,that wall was like so much else at Xavier's.

Did no one else need fun and games to protect their hope? Did the Professor's dream really suffice for all of them? Was something wrong with her, that 'The Dream' wasn't enough? That 'The Dream' was only an excuse she made to protect herself from the real real world?

Kitty hoped she was projecting. She hoped one of the telepaths at the school heard her, and would come help her.

"Please?" she whispered piteously into the dark, "Please?"

It was cold here, in this part of her mind. She couldn't summon a memory of sunshine up here. This place held the memories of dark nights and drafts, of moths and dirt. This was an unpleasant place, not scary, but distinctly unpleasant.

Kitty was interrupted in her mental exploration of her mind by the opening of a door.

"Kitty?" Mr. Summers whispered, "are you alright?"

"Mr. Summers? What are you doing here?"

"I heard you whispering 'please'. You sounded like you needed help," Mr. Summers explained with concern for one of his favorite students.

"I do." Kitty got up and walked into the hallway. She blinked at the yellowy light in the hallway before sitting down and looking up at her teacher.

Much later Kitty finished explaining how she felt to Mr. Summers. He uttered a deep sigh, and ran his fingers through his hair.

"I don't know my own way Kitty. I can't tell you yours," At the dejected expression on his student, Mr. Summers continued. "Here is what I do know, we all run in circles. You aren't the only one, I promise. We all lose hope, and we all occasionally get terrifyingly cold. The Professor's dream is too big for anyone person, even him. You just have to find your niche, your piece of 'The Dream.' And Kitty?"

She looked up from the invisible design she was drawing on the floor. "Yeah?"

"If you need time, if you need to know who you are before you can hold up the dream it's okay. The mansion, this," Scott looked towards the celing and gesturedaround him, "this place is a refuge, it isn't a cage." Kitty cocked her head ather teacher.

"Are you saying 'you're free to go?'"

"Well…ideally you'd finish school. But if you need to go now, your graduation can be postponed awhile." Kitty nodded.

"Can I have tonight? To think about what I need?"

"Of course. Good night Kitty."

"Good night," And she truly believed, or at least hoped, it would be.


End file.
